I try to be a good father. I try to show my children that I love them everyday. I kiss them goodbye I hug them at least once a day. I never want them to think that I don't love them with every bit of my being. They honestly are the most important things in my life. I tell the they arethe best things I ever made. I tell my son over and over that one of my goals in life is for him the be the type of man I'd be friends with; And that I don't choose my friends based on profession or money, rather in who they are. I try to model being a good man to daughter as I am who she will imprint on. I must act like the type of man she should look for; Caring, kind, yet masculine.
I came from a rather stoick family. My family didn't show affection. I had a "dad" in the sense that here was a man in the house. But he was distant. He was indiffrent to me as long it my actions didn't interfere with him. By and large his interests in my interests never moved from zero and I can say with 100% certainlty that I received less than 5 hugs from that man over from 4 years old to adulthood. I now understand him more as I have grown into my own form of manhood and have had my chance at being a dad. My understanding is that he was, and out there still is, a sociopath and a narcisist. He is my legal dad, but has decided to disown his entire family after divorcing my mother.
My "dad" was an intelligent man in many ways, yet completely oblivious in others. He was very talaneted at math. I can only imagine this comes from a a strange upbringing and perhaps some genitic threads. His father was a thoughtful and practically intelligent man. An talanted engineer who cared about people, but tended not to wade into phylosopy much. His father dream was the American dream, white picket fences and 50's values. His wife was a smart woman, with a quick witt, but dealt with emotional weights of her own childhood. She definantly had some depressive issues, and can from a family that had some troubles. I think the combo made for a single child household that expected high grades, enforced strict rules and downplayed emotions and even enjoyment at time. The product was a child that exelled in math, but had little empathy; Selfish and self-centered.
Well into adulthood the full understanding of what he was came out. Growing up this man had told me his was going to kill me many times. I blew it off as the man never spanked me or anything of the sort. His threats were hollow and I even just understood it as a thing that dads say to their sons. I know now that he probably would have if pushed. He probably would have killed my mom as well. After 30 some years of marriage they divorced. In the divorce it came out that he had cheated on my mom for years with many different women. His divorce from my mom was so he could get married to a woman that started out as an affair. A marrage that happened a month after the divorce was finalized. Having known this man since the age of 4, I thought he was always going to be my dad. I recognized that the relationship between him and I was it's own thing and told him that is how I was looking at it. He agreed, played along for a while, then disapeared, cancelling his phones, his email address, his Facebook. Vanishing into fog. Leaving me the only thing that wouldn't fit in the moving truck, a radial arm saw. Had it fit, he woulfd have taken that too.
He placed his father, my grandfather, into a dementia home (which was probably called for) but before that I am pretty sure he had his will re-written to point only to him, cutting myself and my sister (his child by blood) out of our portions; Approximity $1.2 million of $3 million. Sometimes there is the question of what is family worth. I don't know what this man was worth to me. I would have probably said priceless. I considered myself lucky to have a dad I guess since I knew a time without a father. I know that to him I was worth less than 600K. My children that called him Grandpa were worth less than $600K.
I am pretty skilled at this whole internet thing, so I know where he moved to. I know his wife's name. I know he bought a $500+ house in Florida.